Making Single Matter

 *Original post from last October 2013. Merging my blogs here.

Hey all you single ladies! I’m not Beyoncé, but is anyone else feeling tired of all the expectation to put a ring on it?

I’m not just talking about the post-college wave of engagements, especially in the Christian community, but how having a “significant other” is a norm saturated throughout our media and every day conversations. I’ll admit at times, I’ve become caught up in living like being single is just an inferior phase, a time of transition. As if someday my Prince Charming will appear, sweep me off my feet, and cure all my loneliness and frustration.

It would be wonderful if being single could be like this photo: hands open and savoring the beauty in each day. So often I find myself wanting and waiting, waiting, waiting for my life to begin.
If you’re a Christian, you’ve probably heard a phrase like- “Love God, and then he will give you the right man.”
Notice the and then part.
What happens if God doesn’t? Does that make him a bad God? A poser- God? Fake? Unfaithful?
I want to love God because he is worthy of love in Himself, because He loved me first, and always will, despite my failings. I don’t want to follow Jesus because I’m after what I think he should give me.
The fact that Christians throw this phrase around so often concerns me.


I don’t think it’s wrong to have dreams and desires, but what is at the heart of them?
So when I’m having a ugh-cute-couples-everywhere day, please don’t tell me “God’s just working on you first.” Don’t tell me just to hold out for The One. Who knows if he even exists? Also, consider those couples who remarry later in life after a spouse passes away. Oh no, they aren’t with The One anymore! Shall we call him or her The Two?

I’d rather hear that I’m loved no matter who does or doesn’t come along. That’s what really matters in the first place.

There’s a lot more I could share. I’m not dismissing that it’s worth waiting for the right person, or that God doesn’t give or fulfill our dreams. God isn’t cruel. But He isn’t tame. Let’s stop trying to put him in a cage, expecting him to conform to our human plans. We’re a part of a bigger and better story, something we can’t condense into a formula like: graduate by 22, marry by 23, kids by 30, house, car, travel, etc. Where is the adventure in that? When we do that, we loose the heart of what life is really about.

Isaiah 55:8-9

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I want to close with the article that inspired my post tonight. I restated a lot of her thoughts, those that have been on my heart, and those that have been realized tonight. Her honesty and vulnerability also led me also to be honest and vulnerable:

“Single & Not Waiting”
http://convergemagazine.com/single-waiting-9283/


Love,
Kendra