Oh No! It's FoMO!

“Kendra, I am experiencing some serious FoMO,” my friend confessed. “I am seriously afraid of missing out.”

She began to explain how the stresses of work, relationships, and needing more community couldn’t be more overwhelming. Being a twenty-something felt so overrated. I couldn’t agree more. Over the last couple years, I’d been riding the waves of sickness and heatbreak. FoMO – the fear of missing an opportunity and having regrets – was no stranger.

We’ve all been there. Ever scrolled through facebook on a bad day? Everyone’s life looks so much better. The dogs are cuter, the babies don’t cry, the sport stadiums are brighter, and look! two new engagements. Is everyone leaving us behind? And worse, our friends are out enjoying a night on the town. We are most definitely missing out.

Or perhaps you’re more familiar with FoMO’s cousin, YOLO (‘You only live once’)! Now I’m all down for some spontaneous fro yo, but it’s a delicate dance. We’ve all been swept up in the moment and thought later, WHAT happened? Then we have to tighten our budgets, loosen our belts, or cover up that butterfly tattoo or that hickey. It can make for some great stories and laughs, but sometimes it can be devastating.

Around the time of this conversation, I lost my Ipod touch. This made me acutely aware of my impulse to constantly be checking updates online. I didn’t want to miss out on the dialogue, but the world kept buzzing on without me. However, when I was forced to miss out, I became more available. I had a memorable conversation with the woman bagging my groceries. I could simply watch the sun dipping over Lake Washington. It was breathtaking, and it didn’t need to be everyone else’s moment, just mine.

My friend and I began to realize that at the heart of FoMO is some pretty crippling fear. The fear of being alone, unwanted, or unrecognized. Shouldn’t we be entitled to that vacation, that night out, that pay-raise, that relationship, that new car, that _____ ?

FoMO, if left to its own devises, never allows you to see what you already have.

At different times in my life, FoMO has tempted me to make decisions I knew were only temporarily satisfying, because waiting for something better is uncertain. I’ve also walked through days unknowingly clouded by jealousy and disappointment.

Sometimes, life just sucks. Sickness, loosing a great job, a dream, or someone you love can make FoMO seem inevitable. But every time I’ve stopped to name what I’m thankful for, these blessings exceed every fear, every disaster, every heartbreak.  

My ultimate solution is to stop focusing on myself and look to Jesus.

¹⁷ The Lord your God is in your midst,
    a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
    he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

-Zephaniah 3:17, ESV

¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.

-1st John 4:18, NIV

Then the buzz of FoMO disappears. Instead, there is peace. I remember that God wants me right here, right where I am in the midst of frustrating circumstances.

My wise friend said, “I think the original sin was because of FoMO.” If you’re a Christian, you believe this— that since the beginning of humanity, we naturally choose our own way over God’s best way…because we are afraid of missing out.

But you see, FoMO is an illusion. A trick.

In actuality, I’m not defined by how exciting or good my life is, but by God’s love for me. Whether rich or poor, sick or healthy, I am loved and have the opportunity to love others. I trust that God is working out all circumstances for good. This is the ultimate peace and satisfaction. Even if I made it to every social event, had the best loving relationships, a dog that didn’t poop, a millionaire’s budget, and lungs like Lance Armstrong’s, these blessings would dim in comparison with simply being with Jesus. I’ll take him any day over FoMO.